I was scrolling through my gallery the other day when I stumbled upon some pictures of me when I was 2-3 years old. I could not help but smile at the pictures. There was an unmistakable boldness in the way I stared at the camera; some pictures clearly showed a mischievous spark in my eyes. Some pictures were so serious where I was frowning, whereas others had me grinning from ear to ear, with a sparkle in my eyes I never knew existed.
And then there’s my nephew, a little over two at the moment, running and prancing around the house, babbling something in a baby language which is so adorable to listen to. And I see the same spark in his eyes, the spark of enthusiasm and innocence, the unfiltered joy, and that quiet confidence only children seem to have without even trying.
Watching his playful antics made me pause and reflect. When did life become so serious? When did we start being cautious instead of carefree? When did we start acting out of concern for ‘what will people say’ instead of ‘I want to do this’? When did curiosity get replaced by routine? Somewhere, between learning to tie our shoelaces and becoming ‘mature’, we lost touch with our most genuine selves.
I miss my childhood version often, not in a wistful manner, but in a nostalgic way, like how we long to see that old friend whom we haven’t seen for ages. Sometimes the childhood me resurfaces for fleeting moments: when I laugh too hard, when I lose track of time doing something I enjoy, when I let my guard down and be a little goofy or silly. That’s her way of saying, “I am still here, I have just grown quieter, my girl.”
Maybe we can’t fully return to being children, but what if we try to reconnect? I don’t know if I can ever completely find my way back to my childhood self, but I want to see things through her eyes more often. Maybe I can take things less seriously, let go of strict to-do lists, laugh louder, and rediscover the girl I used to be.
Until next time, stay blessed!
Read the other posts in the Finding My Way Back series:
- Finding My Way Back
- Finding My Way Back #2 – Between The Pages
- Finding My Way Back #3: Healing in Familiar Corners
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