Where Am I? (Guest Post)

Hello there! Quite a long time, huh? I’ve been busy with my end semester examinations and hardly find the time or inspiration to write. I still haven’t drafted my next blog post. You must be wondering, what then, is this? Just like those superheroes in movies, my very own superhero, my brother, Anil, came to my rescue. He wrote something simply amazing recently. Yes, he loves to write too. What you will be reading below is his work, which I loved so much that I asked him to permit me to publish it on my blog. Here it is! 

[Image Source: http://pameladennisphd.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/colorized-signpost-cropped.jpg%5D

I’m on a journey to find myself again, but somewhere along the way, I lost myself. I have been on this path before. Everything feels so familiar. The darkness, the emptiness, and the bitterness. I clearly remember being on these waters before. I remember the time when everything, including time, stood still. How can I be afraid of something I am familiar with? I should be confident as I’ve gone through this path before and come out better than ever. I take a deep breath, and I look ahead, yes, I know this place. But, I don’t. Have you ever felt that way? Like, you’re seeing something for the nth time but it feels like it is the first time you’re seeing it.

As I ponder on, I come to sudden realisation. I know what is different this time. You aren’t with me. Yes. That is the answer. You have been with me all along. You have guided me throughout my life and now, I can’t seem to find you. When I feel scared or sad, I tell myself the lessons you taught me. They do manage to soothe me, as they always have, but it isn’t the same as hearing it from you. You were the one person whom I could always rely upon and now when I need you the most, you aren’t here. Why? I send out a silent prayer each day hoping you’d start talking to me again. On some days, you do. For a little while. But times have gotten so hard that a little while is not enough. I need you to guide me through till the end. Be my beacon while I sail on these eerily familiar yet uncharted waters.

You complete me and without you, I feel lost. I know that I am not truly lost on this path that I am on, but it feels that way. I did manage to get a glimpse of you a couple of times. My heart leapt with joy when I saw you, but then you disappeared into the black and white void, the same way you disappeared the last time when I wanted to talk to you.

Whenever I see the light on the path, I hope that it is the same light in which I first saw you. I go towards it, I look at it and it’s just empty. Black and white, and empty. Devoid of emotions. I look deep into the void, straining my eyes to find that single ray of hope to know that you’re still here. As you know, no matter how much I hate mirrors, I will always come back to it as this is where we first met.

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